misuse of english

English Teacher: \"Johnny, the clock on the wall is not working, but you have a watch. Wh working, but you have a watch. What time is it?\"
Johnny: \"2 o\'watch.\"



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A young man comes before the Customs agent.
A: \"State your citizenship.\"
B:\"American\" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: \"Hold on there, buddy. Say that again.\"
B: \"I sed American.\"
A: \"I\'m going to give you a test.\"
B: \"No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I\"m American.\"
A: \"Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let\'s see, ... I\'ve got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow.\"
B: \"Oh senor, I tell you I\'m American. But OK, let\'s see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went \'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!\"



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My student who did not speak much English wanted to impress me one day. She had to walk past me while I was talking to someone. She said, \"Excuse me, can I pass away?\"

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The day of the oral exam:
Teacher: Are you nervous?
Student: No, I am not. I am single.

Teacher: Is this your pencil?
Student: Yes, I am a pencil.

Teacher: What are you wearing?
Student: I am fat.


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Anecdote -- presented to me, by a student, as a true story
(might be used for introducing a phonology lesson):
The teacher was beginning the lesson and noticed a student dozing.
She said sharply, \"Taro, are you _ready_?\"

Taro, jolted to attention, replied, \"No! I\'m _man_!\"