long jokes

(This is guaranteed laughs in the Chinese classroom. It was originally a bit in a Pink Panther movie).

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, \"Does your dog bite?\"
The shopkeeper says, \"No, my dog does not bite.\"
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
\"Ouch!\" He says, \"I thought you said your dog does not bite!\"
The shopkeeper replies, \"That is not my dog!\"



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There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said \"The Best Restaurant in the City.\"
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said \"The Best Restaurant in the World.\"

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said \"The Best Restaurant on this Block.\"



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A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins\' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
\"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo,\" shouted the first driver.
The second replied, \"I did, but I had some money left, so we\'re going to the cinema now.\"
(Present continuous / just for fun)

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One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor told him he would not take the test.
The student asked, \"Do you know who I am?\"

The prof said, \"No and I don\'t care.\"

The student asked again, \"Are you sure you don\'t know who I am?\"

The prof again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in
the middle, then threw the papers in the air.

\"Good\" the student said, and walked out. He passed.

what are you doing ??????? :o :o :o

Still, I cannot fully understand the third passage yet

Still, I cannot fully understand the first word  yet

Still, I cannot fully understand the first word  yet

??????

望有关鸟语专家将其翻译一下

This is guaranteed laughs in the Chinese classroom. It was originally a bit in a Pink Panther movie).

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, \"Does your dog bite?\"
The shopkeeper says, \"No, my dog does not bite.\"
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
\"Ouch!\" He says, \"I thought you said your dog does not bite!\"
The shopkeeper replies, \"That is not my dog!\"

一个男人走进一间商店，看见一条可爱的小狗。他问店主：“你的狗狗咬人不？”
店主回答说“不咬。”
于是这个人就伸出手去抱小狗狗，小狗狗毫不犹豫地咬了他。
“噢！！”他叫道，“你说过你的狗不咬人的！”
“可是这不是我的狗呀~”店主说。

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There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said \"The Best Restaurant in the City.\"
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said \"The Best Restaurant in the World.\"

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said \"The Best Restaurant on this Block.\"

在一个街区上有3家餐馆。有一天，其中一家贴出一张海报，写道“本城最好的餐馆”。
第二天，这条街上最大的那家餐馆就贴出“世界上最好的餐馆”
第三天，最小的那家餐馆贴出一张小小的海报，上书“本区最好的餐馆”

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A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins\' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
\"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo,\" shouted the first driver.
The second replied, \"I did, but I had some money left, so we\'re going to the cinema now.\"
(Present continuous / just for fun)

某日，一个货车司机载着200只企鹅，准备将它们送往伦敦动物园，在路上，他的车抛了锚。于是他只好爬出驾驶室，检查引擎。这时，另一个货车司机停在他面前，问他是否需要帮助，这个带着企鹅的司机就对第二个司机解释说他正准备带企鹅去动物园，问他是否能够帮忙把企鹅带到动物园去。第二个司机同意了。

数小时之后，第一个货车司机仍然在高速公路上等待援助，这时他看见第二个司机开车再次经过这里，而且，那些企鹅还是在货车里，而且看起来很兴奋。

第一个司机大喊道“我说过让你把这些企鹅带到动物园去！！！”

“是的，我带它们去了，但是我还剩下一点钱，所以现在我准备带他们去电影院。”
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One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor told him he would not take the test.
The student asked, \"Do you know who I am?\"

The prof said, \"No and I don\'t care.\"

The student asked again, \"Are you sure you don\'t know who I am?\"

The prof again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in
the middle, then threw the papers in the air.

\"Good\" the student said, and walked out. He passed.


在一场非常难的作文考试即将结束时，教授告诉所有的学生放下笔，立即交上试卷。可是有一个年轻人仍然急速地写着，教授警告他，如果不立即停止，就会取消他的考试资格，但是这个年轻人根本不理睬
，10分钟后，他答完了试题，并走到前面将试卷交给他的导师。
教授告诉这名学生，他不会接受他的试卷。
“那么，你知道我是谁吗？”年轻人问道。
“不知道，我也不在乎你是谁”教授回答。
“你确定不知道我是谁？”年轻人又问了一次。
教授就重复了一次他不知道。
然后这个年轻就走到堆放的试卷前，把他的试卷插到中间，然后把它们弄乱。

“非常好”年轻人说，然后走出了教室。
他通过了考试。


[编辑 -  1/16/03 by  leona]